I had this dream night till last. So night to the 29th June..
I'm out walking along a frozen lake with 2 friends from childhood. One is called Andreas, and I know who the other one is although I can't remember anymore. We're walking along the waters and talking, chit-chatting like teenagers do. As we walk further along the edge of the lake I notice that the ice seems to be breaking up, and as we move further along it gets more and more broken up, until I see that we are wading in these fist-size ice blocks. Then I suddenly notice that I'm at least 10 meters out in the lake, and there is hardly any ice left, it's all melted, and the water is dark and murky.
I see my friends trying to swim just a meter or two out from the shore, and a thought hits me. They shouldn't have to struggle when I can do it. Suddenly I feel power, enormous presence, and all of a sudden I fly up a couple of meters above the water, absolutely effortless. It's like I just know I can do this, but I haven't done it before, but still I know. Then I raise my hand, and I can feel the energy I hold and command, and again I just do things without thought, just doing it. Suddenly my two friends are lifted out of the waters, tumbling around in the air as I lift them up to set them down on stable ground. As they float through the air I can see them change, grow older, and as they close to the ground they both have black wedding tuxedos on them, and a beautiful bride in a white wedding dress stands waiting for them on the ground, and as they land a child appears by them also.
I see that I took on their darkness, all of it, so that they could have a life with joy and love. It's like I say it's alright, I can handle it. Then I look down to the dark waters, and I shoot down head first towards it. I take a deep breath before I hit the surface, and I remember feeling a bit afraid that I wouldn't be able to last down there. As I go under I remember that I've been able to breathe underwater before, so I try to take a breath, but nothing happens. A second later I can feel that I need air, and breathing just happens automatically. I then stand upright under the surface and all I can see is the water around me, and suddenly this white smoke appears before me. It shapes itself into a face, and comes towards me and through me. Then another comes, and another, and another. It starts off a bit slow, but still so fast I can't make out the features, I just know it's a face. Then they come at me so fast I just stand almost like Jesus on the cross with arms out, taking it all on as it comes. As this happens, as each face comes, I can feel something being triggered in me, something releasing and flowing out through my body. It happens with each face so there's a lot of it happening. The whole thing takes just a few seconds though, and as the last face appears I see it is in the shape of an angry man.
As I feel through this dream I realize that I took on all of the darkness of my friends so that they could live joyfully, and that's why we didn't have much contact over the years. Not only that, but I have taken on all the anger that I possibly could, from everybody. Because I've been so terrified of it, I've just locked it in my root and ran away, thinking it was mine, and that's how I've taken it all on. I see the people who picked on me at school, and this time the first thing that pops into my head is "How bad must you have had it that this is what you had to do to survive?" And here's where I see how enormous my task has been. I have chosen to take on all the anger and abuse that I possibly could, everything, and I hear myself say "It's ok, I can take it, let me have it all," with a calm and loving voice to those who lashed out towards me.
As I see through the row of abusers, I think of one and I instantly feel a kick of anger from the bottom of my belly. I sit still with it for a few moments, and I feel the anger and fear move through me. Suddenly I see him again, and he is smiling at me. The string is cut. I have transformed that which I was able to, and now I have set him free. I have set ME free. I have played this role all my life, but now I am done. It is not necessary anymore, and I can leave it behind, feeling grateful and proud of the enormous task I have completed.